如果

一直在這裡陪…

好不好?

dysfunctional midnights

she lies on her side and stares at him. through the hurdle of a screen, he is doing the same too, she thinks. she hopes.

she sees a softness in his features. feminine, but precise and angular. why didn’t she notice this before?

maybe because it’s all quiet and still now. no one except him and her. she has the luxury to stare, to admire, to memorize, every area of his face. her heart aches.  

his sleepy puppy eyes. eyelids lowered to gaze at her face, framed by rectangular black glasses. it sits snuggly on his high nosebridge. his nose, straight and sharp, the tip pointing towards a pout. smooth lips she wants to touch.

she smiles, to get him to smile.

her skin prickles when he does. an intimate smirk, he says, just for her. in the cave where they both lie, it’s only each other they see. the sides of his eyes crinkle, three deep lines. she wants to reach out to touch it, just to feel anything of his. his hand raises instinctively, covering his smile, and turns away.

is this all it is?

i miss those days where sleep is a necessity.

in these blood sucking mother fucking days, it is a luxury.

pffffffft

I had a daaaaamn weird and lustful dream last night, with someone who’s gay, and whom I’m not even close to.

Thank God I will never have to see him again.

Shall elaborate it later when I don’t have a deadline of 4 hours.

 

possibly

What if…?

My life is too filled with ifs and maybes and could bes. The naughty me always want to know the alternative.

But I shouldn’t try, I shouldn’t know, right?

CRAZY day I had today. Actually, the craziness was a relay from yesterday.

I was very angry at myself yesterday. I had the whole day yesterday to complete my work BUT I DIDN’T!!! I was very distracted by many things, and I actually spent HOURSSSS talking instead of working :((((((( I AM SO ANGRY THAT I LET THAT HAPPENED!!! Fine, it was a nice and almost HTHT conversation, but I know, I gotta choose the right time to do that. So after dinner, i chioooooooooonged (although chatting again, BAD) and managed to catch up a little. I stopped all work at 2am, because I felt like dying already. Then I lay in bed reading Bridget Jones’ Diary to destress.

I finally put the book down at 3am, hoping to sleep. But my head was spinning with thoughts and my own voice. Partly because I was feeling very unsettled- I had an assignment due in 12 hours and I was only half done. So I lay there with a very heavy heart, feeling all sorts of guilt and regret crushing down on me.

I finally doze off about 5-ish? But it was such a restless sleep. I was still conscious, just that my eyes were closed.

Then I was jolted awake by a dog barking at 7am, and was wide awake. Like REEAALLY awake. I continued lying there, planning my schedule and prepping myself for my busy-ness.

Headed to school, and since then, I’m not going to look back. I did what I had to do and everything is on time. Such a mad rush. I hate days like this- with a deadline.

Oh did I mention I almost lost my wallet when lunching with Hwei? It was right under my nose and I just didn’t take it. I’m so absent minded sometimes. That’s why I am reluctant to carry my IC with me, expensive to replace you know??

It was such a brain active day, but such a physically immobile one. The most exercise I did today was walking from the Quad to South Spine and climbing lots of stairs. But halfway through the of-marathon-standard journey, the friend I was with was paralyzed in the shins or something. So no more stairs. So that’s the end of my exercise for the day. And speaking of which, 1:05am now and here is the end of the day for me- going to crash.

Good night, my love.

oh why?

good lord, cramps!??!??

now???

seriously?????????????????????

littlelest things of the world

was talking to a friend yesterday, and was introduced to Deviantart.

looking through the Photography section made me regretted not getting that Canon 400 a year ago. it’s such an honour to capture these stillframes of beauty, to remind you of memories, of nostalgia, and of pictures being a witness to your life story.

 

sucks balls

these are the shittiest days of my life.

i feel like i’m repeating the same words in every essay. makes me feel dumb. not to mention uninspired.

thank God for the occassional msn chats. reminds me of the outside world, of people, of laughters, and keeps me sane .

I HAVE TO: finish my short story, reflective essay and portfolio by tomorrow.

otherwise i am dead for monday. and it will spillover to my tuesday deadline, which will make me dead for my other remaining essay.

DO IT, GINA! 2ND LAST SEMESTER OF YOUR LIFE!!

“Pain the sky with stars”- Enya

prettiest CD!

don’t/ play with/ fire

Creative Writing.

I put the candle too near the paper, because the wax was dripping fast and furiously. and then it burnt my “w”.

 

i love you all very much!

random updates:

28 more days and i’ll be off to BKK with my little boy!!!! SO EXCITED i am dying for thai food and massages. it’s quite perverse, but i’m like hoping to collate all my sore muscles from now till then, so that the massage sessions will feel immensely better.

and my mom told me we might be going to Genting with my extended family too. COUSINS AND ALL!!!! so fun!!!! the last time we all went on a holiday together (Kukup) was quite long ago. i hope we REALLY do go.

i just finished Northanger Abbey and it’s such a good book. i really love Austen. I wish she was Victorian, then i’ll definitely do my grad essay on Victorian lit. but she’s neither here nor there, which makes it… sian. and doing a grad essay on Austen is so predictable. it’s like Literature….novels….Austen… it’s such a direct equation.

oh my, the previous paragraph makes me wanna change my grad essay topic again!!!!!!! i mean even without Austen, Victorian Lit is awwwesome. sigh.

but i don’t feel that i should, because my Supervising Professor for my grad essay says she isn’t familiar with Victorian Lit, except for Virginia Woolf’s The Yellow Wallpaper , which is like…. a few paragraphs long only.

i think i should stop thinking. i’m confusing me.

a bit done

i finished my short story for my Prose Creative Writing course yesterday. it took me 6 hours at ECP’s starbucks, where i sat there quietly and typed. the “Very Low” wifi connection to SG Wireless helped much, as i wasn’t able to access the internet for more then 30seconds each time. the poor connection left me frustrated, and i stopped going online. so it was just me and my laptop, with the rain and aroma of coffe as my muse.

as i crossed out the days on my calender, i am thrilled and frightened that my first paper starts next friday. and with 9 days away from my exam, i still have 4 essays to complete. i don’t understand why are ALL the lit essay assignments due so near the exams. it’s been like this for every single semester. i barely have enough time to study for my papers. this is really bad and stupid. STUPID. GRRRRRRRR.

Update:

to do:

1) Drama essay- 1500 words

2) Creative Writing (Prose)- short story 2500 words & reflective essay 2000 words

3) Rise of the novel essay – 2500 words

4) Creative Writing (poetry)- multimedia or such 300 words & journal file & reflective essay 2000 words

5) Rise of the novel annotated bibliography- approx 50 pages of readings and 450 words of summary

 

simple mathetics with the help of my handy calculator: 11250 words in 19 days.  

average of 592.1 words a day. sounds do-able!

my graduation essay has a minimum word limit of 11000 words. which means what i have to churn out in the next 19 days would be equivalent to 6 months worth of work on my grad essay. that’s intense!

but whatever la.

 

ANYWAY, here’s what i have been up to for the past few days.

 

drama rehearsals

the wicked witch handing snow white the poisoned apple

snow white dead

at snow white’s wake (i double up as Dopey the dwarf)

irrelevant to us but cute

 

day of performance:

our drama instructor with us, the Beckett group

Brecht group.
didn’t manage to get a picture of the Artaud group but they were FANTASTIC. very haunting.
come to think of it, we don’t have a picture of our own group performing. oh no how sad!!!! should have passed my camera to someone.

everybody, with Andrew.

with prince charming. his hair is awfulllllly ah pek-ish and SHINING VERY BRIGHTLY because of the large amount of gel he slicked on.

 

the rest will be flying stunts of us.

 

anyway, most of the photos are from hwei. i took them off FB, hence the bad quality. only those without the dates at the bottom right corner are mine. haha, not a lot.

ok, back to work!

 

my saint

i really thank god for jon, and his car hahah oops. he’s made my life SO MUCH easier because NTU is so far. and leaving school at 8 at night would mean reaching home at 10 and dinner at 10+.

been having a lot of late nights BECAUSE i’m mostly staring into Word Doc and having this urge to burst into tears BECAUSE i feel so stupid. sigh.

destitute aside…. life rocks now because i have a bar of ”silky smooth dark chocolate”. shall have it now!

backlog

i love you, i swear.

please don’t break my heart.

please don’t die.

friday

i took a detour on the mrt after school today. i couldn’t take the peak hour commute, especially when i’m changing train lines at jurong east. it is bloody crowded, and i can’t breathe.

it took me 1 hr 40 minutes to get from ntu to yio chu kang. which is almost 30 minutes more then usual. by the time i’m at yio chu kang, it’s already dark and it was poourring. thank god my mom picked me up from the station. there was a huge jam because of the rain, and i was standing at the taxi stand waiting for her.

it was nice to just stand there. just wait. block out all the sight of people rushing past behind me, the footsteps, the traffic noises… and just stand there looking at the rain falling. the assignments the wordcounts the novels the critics which were at the back of my head slowly fizzle to nothingness. because at that very moment, you have nothing but time and the rain.

dan:s

i saw old people dancing today, without a care about the stares. or the old bones.

they just danced. because it made them happy.

they were among a crowd of people my age, and i’m really glad that they weren’t afraid of being laughed at. because we all could learn from such spontaneous behaviour.

i need such spirit and enthusiasm!!!

 

p.s.: 2 more weeks of school left. then i’m off to being a student for 1 last semester, 1 last time.

we are 6!

 

we’re good together. we’ll be good.

almost x’mas! YAHOO!

it seems like it’s only been a few weeks since we visited the tall x’mas tree at Vivo.

 

 

in actual fact, it’s been almost a year. we went there on the last day of our exam paper.
we had dinner at this restaurant which faces the sea. and it was fabulous just talking and watching the sun set.

btw, we were all looking cui because we were JUST done with exams. can’t blame us.

 

we don’t hang out like that anymore :(

 

and i can’t wait for christmas 2009!!!! mark, i know you’re very busy and has many new friends, but i still hope that x’mas this yr is still together with you! CHOOSE US OK!!!!!!!